Xander (about the clothes he's letting Riley borrow): Try those on. You'll feel like a new man.
Riley: Would this man have a bright red nose and big floppy feet?

Xander (about Angel): It's not like I hate the guy. Just, you know, the guts part of him.

Xander (about Buffy and Angel's relationship): Hey, man, that's all ancient history.
Riley: She went running to L.A. to bone up on her history.
Xander: No. I'm sure it's boneless.

Giles (singing): If I leave here tomorrow / would you still remember me? / Well, I must be traveling on now. / There's too many places I've got to see. / And if I stay here with you, girl / things just couldn't be the same. / 'Cause I'm as free as a bird now —
Spike (startling Giles): You know, for someone who's got "Watcher" on his résumé, you might want to cast an eye to the front door every now and again.

Tara You still need an elective. How about... sophomore-level psychology?
Willow: Oh... kinda psyched out since Professor Walsh. Maybe something fun, like drama. I could be dramatic. (To Miss Kitty Fantastico) "You cannot have more catnip! You have a catnip problem."
Tara: Definitely drama.

Anya (to Spike): Wow. That chip in your head means you can't even point a gun? How humiliating.
Xander: Doesn't work anyway. It's a fake.
Anya: Can't even point a decorative gun?
Xander: Give it up for American chipmanship.

Spike: Attitude. See how far that will take you in boot camp. Say, I hope you get one of those tough-as-nails Drill Sergeants, who's only hard on the men because he's trying to keep them alive when the bullets start flying. I love that stuff.
Xander: Boot camp? Yeah, like I'd go there.
Spike: What, you change your mind? Not gonna join?
Anya (hitting him the chest): You're joining the Army?!
Xander: OK. (to Anya) 1.) Ow! (to Spike) 2.) Where'd you get that idea? (to Anya) 3.) Ow! (to both) I'm not joining the Army!
Anya: Good. Stopped that nonsense just in time.

Xander: It happens that I'm good at a lot of things. I help out with all kinds of... stuff. I have skills and... stratagems... I'm very... (to Anya) help me out.
Anya: He's a Viking in the sack.

Anya: They look down on you.
Xander (to Anya): And they hate you.
Anya: But they don't look down on me.
Spike: Hey, it was just a laugh. There's no need to go insane over it.
Xander: Is anybody talking to you?
Spike: Sir, no, sir!

Buffy (to Angel): Let me guess. You thought of something else really hurtful to say, and, well, you couldn't tell me on the phone, because the funniest part is that look on my face.

Angel (to Buffy, about Riley): You actually sleep with this guy?
(He and Angel each get a punch in before Buffy steps in the middle and shoves them apart.)
Buffy: OK, stop it! OK, that's enough. I see one more display of testosterone poisoning, and I'll personally put you both in the hospital. Anybody think I'm exaggerating?
Angel: He start —
Buffy: Just points at him and gives him a look.

Riley: Xander said —
Buffy: Xander? Oh, he's the deadest man in Deadonia.

Riley (about Angel): Sometimes things happen between exes, and when I saw that he was bad...
Buffy: He's... not bad.
Riley: Seriously? That's a good day? Well, there you go. Even when he's good, he's all Mr. Billowy Coat King of Pain, and girls really....

Giles (about encryption): Whatever happened to Latin? At least when that made no sense, the church approved.

Giles (to Buffy, about Adam): You never train with me anymore. He's gonna kick your ass.

Willow (to Buffy, about Buffy and Xander): Besides, when is there any "us two"? You two are the two who are the two. I'm the other one.

Buffy: This is stupid.
Xander: Stupid. So you finally had the guts to say it to my face.
Buffy: I didn't say you were stupid. So stop being an idiot and let me fix this.

Buffy (to Xander and Willow): If I was any more open-minded about the choices you two make, my whole brain would fall out.

Willow (fighting with Buffy): We have to face it, you can't handle Tara being my girlfriend.
Xander (to Buffy and Willow): No! It was bad before that! Since you two went off to college and forgot about me. Just left me in the basement to — Tara's your girlfriend?
Giles (from upstairs): Bloody hell!