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Join Comixology Unlimited to read BtVS comics — The Complete Buffy Episode Guide

Dawn: My advice to you is do exactly what everyone else does, all the time.
Willow: Got it.
Dawn: Do what everyone else does, wear what everyone else wears, say what everyone else says.
Willow: Okay.
Dawn: People may say something to you you don't understand, just don't be afraid to keep your mouth shut and pretend like you know what they're saying.
Willow: You know, Dawn, I've been to college before.
Dawn: People may say something like, "My protein window closes in an hour." Just... nod and smile. "Mm-hmm." Turns out it has something to do with fitness.

Buffy: I just don't want you to get your hopes up.
Xander: Hopes? Oh, no no no no. There are no hopes. Anya and I are done. I love being single! I'm a strong, successful male who's giddy at the thought of all the women I will no doubt be dating in the near future.
Buffy: Strong, successful males say "giddy"?

Xander (about Anya): She seems so sad.
Dawn: She should try acting like everybody else more.
Willow: Apparently it's what all the kids are doin' nowadays.

Aud: The rapid reproductive rate of our rabbits has given me an idea. I can give the excess out to the townspeople, exchanging them not for goods or services, but for goodwill and the sense of accomplishment that stems from selflessly giving of yourself to others.
Olaf: Ha ha ha! Sweet Aud! Your logic is insane and happenstance, like that of a troll.

Olaf: You speak your mind and are annoying.

Olaf: I've told you a thousand times, I have no interest in this Rannveig. Her hips are large and load-bearing, like a Baltic woman. Your hips are narrow, like a Baltic woman from a slightly more arid region.

Spike: I don't trust what I see anymore. Don't know how to explain it exactly. Like I been seeing things. Dru used to see things, you know. She'd always be staring at the sky watching cherubs burn or the heavens bleed or some nonsense. I used to stare at her and think she'd gone completely sack of hammers. But she'd see the sky when we were inside, and it'd make her so happy. She'd see showers, she'd see stars. Now I see her.
Buffy: Spike.
Spike: I'm in trouble, Buffy.
Buffy: I can help you.
Spike (after a pause): I could never ask. Not after...
Buffy: It's different. You're different.
Spike: I could never ask.
Buffy: Spike, it's me. It's you, and it's me, and we'll get through this.

Buffy: Spike. This basement is killing you. This is the Hellmouth. There is something bad down here. Possibly everything bad.
Spike (laughing): Can't hear you, can't hear you.
Buffy: You have a soul? Fine. Show me!
Spike: Scream Montresor all you like, pet.
Buffy: Get up, and get out of this basement.
Spike: I don't have anywhere else to go.

Professor: Of course, I noticed that drop-off in your grades at midterms last year, and I was concerned...
Willow: Yeah, that was—
Professor: But then, voila, you turned it around and aced all your finals, like, boom, magic.
Willow (with an uncomfortable chuckle): Yeah, similar to, but...

Villager #1: Run! Hide your babies and your beadwork!

Olaf the Troll: Stop! Stop! It is Olaf!
Villager #2: The troll is doing an Olaf impersonation!
Olaf: I am Olaf!
Villager #3: Hit him with fruits and various meats!

D'Hoffryn: What is that, a woodlow transmogrific spell?
Aud: Thornton's hope.
D'Hoffryn: Thornton's hope. But how did you get the troll element?
Aud: Eelsbane.
D'Hoffryn: Eelsbane. Brilliant! What'd he do?
Aud: Bar matron. A load-bearing bar matron.

D'Hoffryn: My name is D'Hoffryn.
Aud: I am Aud.

Aud: I don't talk to people much. I mean, I talk to them, but they don't talk to me, except to say that, "your questions are irksome," and, "perhaps you should take your furs and your literal interpretations to the other side of the river."

Olaf: Come here tiny man! You are small and toylike!

Aud: What would I have to do?
D'Hoffryn: What you do best — help wronged women punish evil men.
Aud: Vengeance.
D'Hoffryn: But only to those who deserve it.
Aud: They all deserve it.
D'Hoffryn: That's where I was goin' with that, yeah.

Xander: There's little that can distract Willow when she's on the hunt for the mighty syllabi.

Buffy: She didn't tell us because she knows what I have to do. I have to kill Anya.

Anyanka: The workers will overthrow absolutism and lead the proletariat to a victorious communist revolution, resulting in socio-economic paradise on earth. It's common sense, really.

Anyanka: Vengeance is what I do, Halfrek. I don't need anything else. Vengeance is what I am.

Buffy: She's not the Anya that you knew, Xander. She's a demon.
Xander: That doesn't mean you have to kill her!
Buffy: Don't act like this is easy for me. You know it's not.
Xander: There are other options!
Buffy: I've considered them.
Xander: When? Just now? Took you all of ten seconds to decide to kill one of your best friends?
Buffy: The thought that it might come to this has occurred to me before. It's occurred to you, too.

Buffy: Xander, I know this is hard for you to hear, but it's what I have to do.
Xander: Hard for me to hear? Buffy, you wanna kill Anya!
Buffy: I don't want to!
Xander: Then don't! This isn't new ground for us. When our friends go all crazy and start killing people, we help them.
Willow: Sitting right here!
Xander: I'm sorry. But it's true.
Buffy: It's different.
Xander: Because you don't care about her the same way I do. Buffy, I still love her.
Buffy: I know. And that's why you can't see this for what it really is. Willow was different. She's a human. Anya's a demon.
Xander: And you're the Slayer. I see now how it's all very simple.
Buffy: It is never simple.
Xander (standing up): No, of course not. You know, if there's a mass-murdering demon that you're, oh, say, boning, then it's all gray area.
Buffy: Spike was harmless! He was helping!
Xander: He had no choice!
Buffy: And Anya did! She chose to become a demon. Twice!
Xander: You have no idea what she's going through.
Buffy (standing up): I don't care what she's going through!
Xander: No, of course not. You think we haven't seen all this before? The part where you just cut us all out. Just step away from everything human and act like you're the law. If you knew what I felt—
Buffy: I killed Angel! (There's a pause.) Do you even remember that? I would have given up everything I had to be with— I loved him more than I will ever love anything in this life. And I put a sword through his heart because I had to.
Willow: And that all worked out okay.
Buffy: Do you remember cheering me on? Both of you! Do you remember giving me Willow's message — "Kick his ass"?
Willow (indignant): I never said that—
Xander: This is different—
Buffy: It is always different! It's always complicated. And at some point, someone has to draw the line, and that is always going to be me! You get down on me for cutting myself off, but in the end the Slayer is always cut off. There's no mystical guidebook, no all-knowing council. Human rules don't apply! There's only me. I am the law.
Xander: There has to be another way.
Buffy: Then please find it.

D'Hoffryn (in a booming, official voice): Behold, D'Hoffryn. Lord of Arashmahar. He that turns the air to blood and rains— (He turns and sees Willow, and switches to a conversational voice.) Miss Rosenberg. How lovely to see you again. Have you done something with your hair?

D'Hoffryn: The flaying of Warren Meers? Oh, truly inspired. That was water cooler vengeance. Lloyd has a sketch of it on his wall.

Anya (sarcastically): Everyone is so considerate today. I should have slaughtered people weeks ago.
Xander: I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I did to you. Everything I put you through.
Anya: Thank you! All better! Thank goodness you got here in time!
Xander:You don't understand. This isn't an intervention. Buffy's coming to kill you.
Anya: She's coming to try.
Xander: Did everybody have their crazy flakes today? You guys are friends. How could you talk like this?
Anya I have a job to do. And so does Buffy. Xander, you've always seen what you wanted to. But she knew, sooner or later, it would come to this.

Anya: This is getting to be a pattern with you, Buffy. Are there any friends of yours left you haven't tried to kill?

Anya: Come on, Buffy. Don't you have a clever retort for me?

Buffy: Anya, I'm sorry.
Anya: You're apologizing to me? What fight are you watching? Or is this like one of your little pop culture references I don't get?

Anya (singing): Mrs. Anya lame-ass-made-up-maiden-name Harris.

D'Hoffryn: Isn't that just like a Slayer? Solving all her problems by sticking things with sharp objects.

D'Hoffryn: I talked to your friend Ms. Rosenberg. She's a firebrand. I have high hopes for her.
Xander: Stay away from Willow!
D'Hoffryn: Oooh, he's gallant, isn't he? (to Anya) I understand what you saw in him.

D'Hoffryn (about Buffy): I think we already know what lady hacks-away wants.

Xander: Anya, wait.
Anya: Xander, please, just go away.
Xander: Whatever's between us... it doesn't matter. You shouldn't be alone in this.
Anya: Yes, I should. My whole life, I've just clung to whatever came along.
Xander: Well, speaking as a clingee... I kinda didn't mind.
Anya: Thanks. For everything. (Xander realizes that she wants to be alone, and he starts to leave.)
Anya: Xander— (He turns toward her.) What if I'm really nobody?
Xander: Don't be a dope.
Anya: I'm a dope?
Xander: Sometimes.
Anya: That's a start.


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