Xander (to Spike): You’re going to live in that small room over there. I know it looks like a closet but it’s a room now. You’re not going to touch my food. I take the first shower in the morning and if I use up all the hot water, that’s your tough noogies. (To Buffy.) And I hate this plan. (Back to Spike.) Are you keeping up or do you need some kind of English-to-Constant-Pain-in-My-Ass translation?
Buffy: Invitation?
Xander (to Buffy): Is there something more emphatic than hate? Can I revile the plan? Fine. (To Spike.) I invite you in. Nimrod.
Spike: Don’t want your soddin’ food anyway.

Anya: Well, I-I guess you guys could use my help. I mean, Willow’s not very good with the practical strategizing... except when she’s evil. And Dawn, she’s not really good for anything.

Dawn: The quarterback is the most important member of the team! He is like the rudder that guides the ship!
R.J. (after an uncomfortable pause): Right!

Dawn: R.J.'s never gonna notice me now!
Buffy: From what you said, I-I’m sure he already noticed you. I mean, what with the falling and the— (Dawn squeaks and slams the door.) Spirit! Spirit. They said you were spirited, right?

Xander (to Buffy, about Dawn): Remember when she used to have a crush on me? I miss the much cuter “me” crush.

Dawn (to Buffy): Know what? Maybe I don’t want advice from the Dysfunction Queen.

Xander: I’m just sayin'… once you get back the soul, doesn’t that mean you start, like, picking up your own wet towels off the floor?
Willow: No, but maybe you start to feel really bad about leaving them there.

Xander (about the girl dancing with R.J.): Daddy like!
Buffy: What is that shirt made of — paint?
(Willow's eyes go wide as she realizes...
Willow: Buff—
Buffy: I’m glad Dawnie isn’t here to see her precious boyfriend getting all thrusty with some slut-bag hussy— (The hussy turns around - it's Dawn. Buffy goes slackjawed.) Oh.
Xander: Oh! Oh, no! Daddy no— I wasn’t— when I was looking, I wasn’t… oh, god!
Willow: Right there with ya!

Buffy: So do you have plans later? Or are you just going to go down to the docks, wait for the fleet to come in?
Dawn (startled and confused): What?
Buffy: Where do I start with the bad? First, you told me you were going to the library. Second, you do not go out on a date without informing me first. Third, Anna Nicole Smith thinks you look tacky.

Dawn: Oh my god! I’m the pushy queen of Slut Town!

R.J.: Hey, guy. It’s called knocking.
Xander: I’m sorry. It’s just checkout time was an hour ago, we were hoping to make up the bed. And also, it’s a classroom, you chowderhead! Now get off the boy, Buffy. We’re going home.

Willow: I have tried every anti-love spell spell I could find.
Anya: Even if you find the right one, the guy would probably just do an anti-anti-love spell spell… spell.
Willow: What?

Willow: Buffy's not here. Go away!
R.J.: Are you sure?
Anya: No Buffy for you! Leave quickly now!

Anya: I looked into him and I saw his soul.
Willow: He was walking away, so, unless his soul is in his ass…
Anya: A.J. is my best friend and my dearest darling.
Willow: It’s R.J.. And what you were picking up on was his deep caring and devotion to me!

Buffy: Willow, you’re a gay woman! And he... isn’t.
Willow: This isn’t about his physical presence! It’s about his heart.
Anya: His physical presence has a penis!

Xander: Will, honey… R.J.’s a guy.
Willow: I did notice that, yeah! It’s why I’m doing my spell, because, you know, he doesn’t have to be!

Buffy: You realize that Anya’s probably seducing R.J. even as we speak.
Willow: My god, you think so?
Buffy: Well, I wouldn’t put it past her. She’s recently evil, you know.
Willow: Well, so am I. Why should I miss out?

Buffy: This is the plan?! You’re gonna steal R.J. by being trisected?!
Dawn: What am I gonna compete with you? You’re older and hotter and have sex that’s rough and kill people! I don’t have any of that stuff. But if I did this, then his whole life he’d know there was someone that loved him so much they’d give up their life.
Buffy: Dawn…
Dawn: And it would be true. Forever.
Buffy: No guy is worth your life, not ever.

Buffy: Xander, be honest. You didn’t, you know, think about slipping that jacket on just a little bit?
Xander: I refuse to answer that on the grounds that it didn’t fit.