Xander: Storm the Initiative? Yeah, let's take on those suckers!
Buffy: I was thinking more that we'd hide.
Xander: Oh thank God.

Buffy: Maggie tried to kill me.
Anya: It didn't work, but they're all upset anyway.

Riley: That's hostile seventeen.
Spike (in his bad American accent): No. I'm just a friend of Xander's... Bugger it. I'm your guy.
Buffy: This is Spike. He's um... it's a really long story. But he's not bad anymore!
Spike: Hey! What am I, a bleeding broken record? I'm bad! It's just... I can't bite anymore, thanks to you wankers.

Adam: What am I?
Boy: You're a monster.
Adam: I thought so. What are you?
Boy: Me? I'm a boy.
Adam: A boy. How do you work?
Boy: I don't know. I just do.

Willow: Well look who's cranky bear in the morning!
Giles (who slept on Xander's inflatable chair): Yes, I can't imagine why I didn't sleep well in my beach ball.
Anya: Every time you moved it made squeaky noises. It was irritating.
Giles: Really? I'm surprised you could hear it over your Wagnerian snoring.
Buffy: OK you guys, could we not, please? Everything's screwed up enough without you two doing scenes from my parents' marriage.

Anya: You know you really should get yourself a boring boyfriend. Like Xander. You can't have Xander.
Buffy: That was the idea. Riley was supposed to be Mr. Joe Guy. We were gonna do dumb things like hold hands through the daisies going 'tra la la.'
Willow: Poor Buffy. Your life resists all things average.
Anya: So dump him. But you can't have Xander!

Buffy: Hello? I'm apologizing here. I think it's pretty big of me, considering I'm the one who was almost made a demon sandwich. (Riley says nothing.) This is the part where you throw me a bone.

Buffy: I'm gonna have to punch you, aren't I?
Willy: Just once. And it don't have to hurt, just make it look good.
(Buffy pulls pack to punch him.) Willy: Ow! Oh!
Buffy: Not yet. I haven't touched you!

Riley (loudly, upon finding Buffy in Willy's Place): I thought you were supposed to be killing these things, not buying them drinks.
Buffy: Oh, that's smooth, Officer Riley. They teach you those undercover moves in Special Forces?

Willy: Hey! We got new rules here: no killing.

Buffy: Giles, Anya — you keep researching. Xander, you and I are going undercover.
Anya: Hey! Remember before? No Xander. Not in a boyfriend way; not in a lead-him-to-certain-death way.

Buffy: I'm the only one that can pass the retinal scan.
Xander: The — Eww! I don't wanna see that!
Buffy: Retinal scan, Xander.

Xander (when the Initiative elevator arrives): Why am I not entirely comforted by the arrival of a man-sized microwave?

Xander (upon entering the Initiative Headquarters): Holy moly!
Buffy: I know.
Xander: I totally get it now. Can I have sex with Riley, too?

Xander: Quick, pretend to make out with me.
Buffy: What? What are you talking about?
Xander: Well, I uh... you know, in the movies, the guy and the girl have to hide.
Buffy: Please. Could you possibly draw more attention to us? This is the Initiative, Xander. Military guys and scientists do not make out with each other!
Xander: Well maybe that's what's wrong with the world. Ever think about that?

Spike: Double shot of O-Neg, keep. Make it the good stuff. I don't want no freakin' Orangutan.

Buffy: I feel an attack of dumb blonde coming on.