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Join Comixology Unlimited to read BtVS comics — The Complete Buffy Episode Guide
The Zeppo

Xander: What do you mean, what is it? It's my *thing*.
Willow: Your thing?
Xander: My thing!
Buffy: Is this a penis metaphor?
Xander: It's my thing that makes me cool. You know, that makes me unique. I'm Car Guy. Guy with the car.

Buffy: Willow, you okay?
Willow: Yeah, I'm fine. The shaking is a side effect of the fear.

Buffy: Or both. And, you know, with the pain and the death, maybe you shouldn't be leaping into the fray like that. Maybe you should be... fray-adjacent.
Xander: Excuse me? Who, at a crucial moment, distracted the lead demon by allowing her to pummel him about the head?
Faith: Yeah, that was real manly how you shrieked and all.
Xander: I think you'll find that was more of a bellow.

Buffy: Should I burn them?
Willow: I brought marshmallows! ... Occasionally, I'm callous and strange.

Buffy: If it weren't for that clouding spell...
Willow: Yeah, it went good. Nothing melted like last time.

Buffy: I don't know what to do.
Angel: Then let me decide for you. I can face this thing.
Buffy: You can't.
Angel: Look, I, I can at least buy you enough time for Willow's spell to bind it. Buffy, this is worse than anything we've ever faced. It's the only way.
Buffy: I can't watch you die again.
Angel: I love you.
Buffy: I love you.
Angel: Nothing can change that. Not even death.

Xander: But gee, Mr. White, if Clark and Lois get all the good stories, I'll never be a good reporter.
Giles: Hmm?
Xander: Jimmy Olsen jokes are pretty much gonna be lost on you, huh?
Giles: Sorry.

Jack O'Toole: What are you, retarded?
Xander: No. No, I had to take that test when I was seven. A little slow in some stuff, mostly math and spatial relations, but certainly not challenged or anything.

Xander: Why is it that I've come face-to-face with vampires, demons, the most hideous creatures hell ever spit out, and I'm still afraid of a little bully like Jack O'Toole?
Cordelia: Because, unlike all those other creatures that you've come face-to-face with, Jack actually noticed you were there.
Xander: Why am I surprised by how comforting you're not?

Xander: You're in a band. That's like a business-class ticket to cool with complimentary mojo after take-off. I gotta learn an instrument. Is it hard to play guitar?
Oz: Not the way I play it.

Xander: What do I have?
Oz: An exciting new obsession. Which I feel makes you very special.
Xander: Now with the mocking.

Buffy: Do you remember the demon that almost got out the night I died?
Willow: Every nightmare I had that doesn't revolve around academic failure or public nudity is about that thing. In fact, once I dreamt that it attacked me while I was late for a test, and naked.

Xander: Angel! Buddy! Friend-buddy. You want to sit and talk?

Xander: You know, it's not like I haven't helped before. I've done some quality violence for these people.

Xander: Yeah, great knife. Although I think it may technically be a sword.
Jack O'Toole: She's called Katie.
Xander: You gave it a girl's name. How very serial killer of you.

Jack O'Toole: I like you.
Xander: Yay?

Xander: Long gone. Probably loaded with supplies. Gotta think. I can't believe I had sex. Okay, bombs. Already dead guys with bombs.

Quotes courtesy of Laugh Lines, Love Lines.


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