Spike: And I should do what with my spare time? Sit at home knitting cunning sweater sets?
Buffy: Would it keep you out of my way?

Buffy: Spike, I just saw you taste your own nose blood. You know what? I'm too grossed out to hear anything you have to say. Go home.
Spike: It's blood. It's what I do!

Spike: I will know your blood, Slayer. I will make your neck my chalice... and drink deep. (turns around and falls into an open grave) Ow!

Anya: Oh! Who put the monkey head near the Styx Water? Do we want to pick exploded monkey out of our hair?

Willow: Oh, wow. This place looks great. Oh, I feel like a witch in a magic shop.

Willow: Are these real newt eyes?
Giles: No. Too rich for my blood I'm afraid. No these are salamander eyes; it's the cataracts which give them their newt-like appearance. They're really equally effective, though. It's just a matter of overcoming snobberies.

Buffy: You're like my fairy godmother, and Santa Claus, and Q all wrapped up into one. (they look at her) Q from Bond, not Star Trek.

Spike: Oh, Pacey! You blind idiot. Can't you see she doesn't love you?

Harmony: Is it safe? Has Buffy gotten to you yet? I saw her patrolling just now... with a stake! She won't give up until she's killed me to death.
Spike: Buffy's looking for you?
Harmony: Of course. That's why I'm on the lam. Didn't you hear? I'm totally her arch-nemesis.
Spike: Is that right? I must've missed the memo.
Harmony: There was a mem— Spike, oh my God, this is like a real emergency!

Harmony: Pretty please? I'll do anything.
Spike: Anything, will you?
Harmony: Yeah, I said I'd do anything! (Spike continues to stare at her) Oh. You mean will I have sex with you? Well, yeah.

Spike: (as Harmony lights up a cigarette) Taking up smoking, are you?
Harmony: I am a villain, Spike. Hello!

Buffy: It's so unfair. It's like Big Brother can spy on you all the time, and the second I have something to say, no one will listen.
Dawn: Sounds more like Big Sister.
Willow: There has to be a way.
Buffy: Like what? Take a tour of the White House and pretend to get lost and look for some door with a sign on it that says "Secret Government Monster Hunters?"

Buffy: I so don't want to deal with Spike right now. The guy is really starting to bug me in that special "I want to shove something wooden through his heart" kind of way.

Spike: OK. Is it bigger than a breadbox?
Harmony: No. Four left.
Spike: So it's smaller than a breadbox.
Harmony: Heh heh! No, only three.
Spike: Harmony... is it a sodding breadbox?
Harmony: Yes! Oh, my God. Someone's blondy bear is a Twenty Questions genius!

Harmony (after accidentally shooting the crossbow): Oops. String was slippy.

Spike: ...bathe in the Slayer's blood. I'm gonna dive in it. Swim in it. I'm gonna do the bloody backstroke.

Spike: Buffy, Buffy, Buffy! Everywhere I turn she's there. That nasty little face. That fancy shampoo commercial hair. That whole sodding holier-than-thou attitude.
Harmony: Well, aren't we kinda unholy by def—?
Spike: She follows me, you know. Tracks me down. I'm the pet project. Drive Spike around the bend. Makes every day a fresh bout of torture. You don't understand. I can't get rid of her. She's everywhere. She's haunting me, Harmony! This has got to end.

Graham: It's a good thing Buffy found you when she did, because you were about to detonate big time. Always said she's pretty impressive.
Riley: You know, she really is.
Graham: But you know you don't belong here, right? This town. I mean, you're nothing here.
Riley: Hey. What are you saying?
Graham: Come on, man. You know it's true. There's nothing for you here.
Riley: There's her.
Graham: Okay, right. There's her. And? You used to have a mission. Now you're what: Mission's Boyfriend? Mission's True Love? You belong with us.