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Join Comixology Unlimited to read BtVS comics — The Complete Buffy Episode Guide
Tough Love

Professor: Well, maybe short poems.
Buffy: Yeah. Li-like those Japanese ones that-that, um, sound like a sneeze.
Professor: Haiku?

Ben: I'm sorry I'm late.
Doctor: You're not late.
Ben (looking at his watch): But sir—
Doctor: You can't be late to a job you don't have. Interestingly enough, I've decided to give your job to someone who will actually do it.

Ben: Can I just tell you it's not my fault.
Doctor: Sure. You can also tell me that the dog ate your homework, or, maybe eating Twinkies made you do it, or, maybe, yeah, that there's really a wicked, demonic creature living inside you that takes control of your body and forces you to do its bidding.

Glory: Lotta sucky things in this dimension. Bubble baths? Not one of 'em.

Murk: Uh, begging your pardon, and begging in general, but were you talking to me?
Glory: Ewww! Yeah, right.

Buffy: What about all the times I asked you how school was and you said "fine"?
Dawn: Well, it was. (quietly) You didn't ask if I was in it when it was fine.

Xander: A watched customer never buys.
Anya: They would if they were patriotic.
Xander (to Willow): Okay, I'm going in. (Then to Anya) Patriotic?
Anya: Yes. I've recently come to realize there's more to me than just being human. I'm also an American.
Giles: Yes, I suppose you are, in a matter of speaking. You were born here — your mortal self.
Anya: Well, that's right, foreigner. So I've been reading a lot about the good ol' us of a, embracing the extraordinarily precious ideology that's helped to shape and define it.
Willow: Democracy?
Anya: Capitalism. A free market dependent on the profitable exchange of goods for currency. A system of symbiotic beauty apparently lost on these old people. Look at 'em — perusing the shelves, undressing the merchandise with their eyeballs. All ogle, no cash. It's not just annoying, it's un-American.
Giles: Appalling. Almost as if they no longer think money can buy happiness.
Anya: Totally un-American. Oh, and you know what else is un-American? French people.
Willow: You don't say?
Anya: From what I hear, they don't tip. Now, French old people, that's really the bottom of the barrel, you know?
Xander: Ahn, how's about we try being a bit less prejudiced and a bit more inclusive? Not us (gesturing to himself and Willow), just you.

Xander: Whatever you choose, you've got my support. Just think of me as... as your... You know, I'm searching for supportive things and I'm coming up all bras. So, something slightly more manly, think of me as that.

Buffy: It's really important that Dawn finishes her schoolwork right now.
Willow: I know it is, and I'm a big fan of school! You know me, I'm like (singing and doing a little dance), "Go school, it's your birthday"... or something to that effect.

Tara (to Willow): I mean, tell me if I said something wrong. Otherwise, I know I'll say it again, probably often and in public.

Willow: It's like my opinion doesn't count because I haven't been through... I didn't lose my mom, so I don't know.
Tara: Well, I-I'm not the expert. I mean, I've only lost the one.

Tara: I mean, it frightens me how powerful you're getting.

Willow: This isn't about the witch thing. It's about the other changes in my life.
Tara: I trust you, I just... I don't know where I'm gonna fit in in your life when—
Willow: When... I change back? Yeah, this is a college thing, just a little experimentation before I get over the thrill and head back to boys' town. You think that?
Tara: Should I?
Willow: You know, I'm really sorry that I didn't establish my lesbo street cred before I got into this relationship. You're the only woman I've ever fallen in love with, so how on earth could you ever take me seriously?

Giles: You all right?
Willow (obviously not): Yeah.
Giles: Ah yes, because your good mood is both obvious and contagious.

Giles: Well, it's over.
Willow: Over?! How can it be over? I just found her!
Giles: The quarrel is over.
Willow: Oh.

Slook: I will never talk, no matter what heinous torture—
Giles: Actually, you're talking quite a lot, just not about the right things. Tell us why you're here.
Slook: No words shall pass my lips that would bring peril to Glorificus.
Giles (to Willow and Anya): Girls, get the twine that's on the counter. Let's tie him up. (They go to do so.)
Slook: Aah! Don't! I'll tell you anything! Please! Whatever you want!

Xander (about the hospital): Man, words cannot express how much I hate this place.
Giles: It's dreadful.
Anya: It's like communism.

Dawn: You wanna know what I'm scared of, Spike? Me. Right now, Glory thinks Tara's the Key. But I'm the Key, Spike. I am. And anything that happens to Tara... is 'cause of me. Your bruises, your limp... that's all me, too. I'm like a lightning rod for pain, and hurt... and everyone around me suffers and dies. I must be something so horrible to cause so much pain and evil.
Spike: Rot.
Dawn: What do you know?
Spike: I'm a vampire. I know something about evil. You're not evil.
Dawn: Maybe I'm not evil. But I don't think I can be good.
Spike (after a pause): Well, I'm not good, and I'm okay.

Willow: I don't think I can sleep without her.
Anya (helpfully): You can sleep with me! (The group stares at her.) Well, now, that came out a lot more lesbian than it sounded in my head.

Buffy: You cannot even think about taking on Glory!
Willow: You saw what she did to Tara. I can't let her get away with it.
Buffy: No, you have to let her get away with it. Even I'm no match for her, you know that.
Willow: But maybe I am.
Buffy: You're not. And I won't let you go.
Willow: This is not your choice, it's mine.
Buffy: This is not the time.
Willow: When, Buffy? When is? When you feel like it? When it's someone you love as much as I love Tara? When it's Dawn, is that it?
Buffy: When we have a chance. We'll fight her when we have a chance. You wouldn't last five minutes with her Willow. She's a god.

Glory (as her apartment quakes): Did anybody order an apocalypse?

Buffy (about Willow): She was looking to go all payback-y on Glory for a minute, but I cooled her down a little. Actually a lot.
Spike: So she's not gonna do anything rash then.
Buffy: No. I explained there was no point.
Spike (skeptical): Mm-hmm.
Buffy: What?
Spike: You— so you're saying that a powerful and mightily pissed off witch was plannin' on going' and spillin' herself a few pints of god blood until you, what... "explained"?
Buffy: You think she— no. I told Willow it would be like suicide.
Spike: I'd do it. (He looks away.) Right person. Person I loved. (He looks back at her.) I'd do it.

Tara (looking and pointing at Dawn): Oh, look at that. Look at that. The light. Oh, it's so pure. Such pure, green energy. Oh, it's so beautiful.
(Glory smiles.)


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