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Beer Bad

Buffy is kicking serious vampire butt in the cemetery when Parker comes along and gets caught in the crossfire. Buffy orders him to get down, which he does while she dusts the three vamps she was fighting. Parker comes up to her and apologizes profusely for how he treated her. The music swells as he begs her forgiveness, and suddenly...

Buffy comes back to reality in Psychology class, where she's watching Parker flirt with some chick while Professor Walsh lectures about the id, the ego, and the superego. The id, she stresses, works solely out of the pleasure principle — the id wants, and that's all there is to it. Buffy fades back into daydream mode, where she replays the vampire dusting scene. This time, though, Parker approaches with his shirt open, bearing pink roses and quart of ice cream (complete with spoon sticking out, ready for eatin').

Xander's fake IDLater that day, Willow and Buffy are studying outside when Xander arrives, flicking a lighter in Buffy's face, offering to listen to her woes. Turns out that he's gotten a job bartending at the campus pub (by using a very fake ID with a picture of him — or is it Matt Dillon? — with a mustache). Our boy thinks the main duty of his job will be to light people's cigarettes, listen to their problems, wipe down the bar, and kick people out. He's not particularly worried about making actual drinks. Buffy isn't too interested in spilling pretend problems to Xander, though Willow gives it a shot, making up a Jerry Springer-esque problem. Buffy states that it's class time, and the group wanders off. Buffy starts musing about Parker, theorizing that he's got intimacy problems, and is perhaps keeping her in a bubble fantasy, which he may soon pop her out of, preferring Real Buffy instead of Bubble Buffy. Willow advises her to think about "not Parker," reminding that there are better men, who are not ruled by the penis.

That night at the pub, Xander's got his own problems — he's surrounded by angry patrons demanding more drinks than he can make at one time. Buffy meanders in, and bumps into Riley. They discuss Parker, who's cozying up to a girl. Riley tells her that Parker is a major girl-chaser who "sets 'em up and knocks 'em down." Xander tries to comfort a girl, who turns out to be a very cheerful sorority girl. A male friend of hers approaches, trying to intimidate Xander with his intellectual ramblings. He goes on to clarify for Xander the concept that guys like him date sorority girls and run the country, while guys like Xander keep the bowl of peanuts full. Xander tries to ID him for his pitcher of Black Frost beer, but the bar manager orders him to "just give him a beer." Xander spots Buffy, who declares that she was wrong about Parker, and that she's a slut and an idiot. Xander tries to comfort her, but he's ordered to get back to work. Buffy starts to leave, but is hit on by four guys, one of who is the guy who picked on Xander. They offer to buy her beer, and she accepts.

Over at the Bronze, Willow tells Oz that she copied the Psychology notes for him, since he missed class today. As the band takes the stage, Oz makes a strange face, making Willow wonder if he's sick. The lead singer begins singing, and Oz seems strangely fascinated with her. (This is the same girl with whom Oz exchanged stares in "Living Conditions.") Willow wonders if he knows her, but he doesn't. Oz keeps staring, and Willow looks disturbed.

At the pub, Buffy's new friends are babbling more smart-speak, and starting to get a bit disoriented by the beer.

The next day in the girls' dorm, Willow is making fun of Veruca, who apparently called Willow a groupie when they met last night. Willow tells Buffy that she dresses like Faith and has a voice like an albatross. A hungover and rather child-like Buffy is not really interested, though, as she is fascinated by the "bright[and] tiny little people" in the television. She tells Willow she had a night of badness last night. Willow thinks she slept with Parker again, but Buffy says she was with four smart guys, prompting Willow to think that Buffy had sex with all four of them. Buffy corrects her, shares with her the niceties of beer, and attempts to leave for class in her pajamas.

That day in Psych. class, Buffy raises her hand to tell Professor Walsh that Willow did the reading, prompting murmurs in the classroom. Buffy then notices a student in front of her eating a sandwich, which Buffy reaches down and grabs from the girl, biting into it. The girl just stares as Willow asks incredulously, "Buffy! Are you ok?" "Sure," replies a nonchalant Buffy with her mouth full, "why wouldn't I be?"

Cut to a shot of elsewhere, where a mad-scientist chemistry set-up sits brewing... something, dripping it into a keg of Black Frost beer.

Buffy drinkingLater, Buffy is again drinking with her smart-guy friends at the pub, while Xander looks on disapprovingly. The group is acting strangely, spouting such knowledgeable gems as, "You stupid" and "I like girls." At the bar, a young woman announces to Xander that she's having a bad day and asks for a light for her cigarette. Xander says nothing; he just holds up a no smoking sign to her.

Back at the dorm, Oz catches Willow outside her room. Oz, who missed class today for band practice, invites her to the Bronze, where he's going to play with Shy (Veruca's band). Willow isn't interested, and they go their separate ways, a definite air of tension between them.

Back at the pub, Xander turns on the jukebox, which quite intrigues Buffy, who practically climbs on top of the jukebox. Xander announces to Buffy that he's cut her off ("Did it hurt," she wonders), drags her over to the door, and orders her to go home. The guys notice that their girl is gone.

Willow runs into Parker at the Grotto, and she gives him a piece of her mind, berating him for hurting Buffy. He maintains innocence, wondering why people can't just "come together and create something wonderful" for one night, and then get back to their lives and move on. He does apologize for misleading Buffy though, and is "impressed" by Willow's thoughtfulness.

At the pub a while later, the guys are now barely functioning, and Xander is able to get way more money from them than they actually owe him. The lead guy, who had gone to the restroom, comes bursting out and attacks Xander, knocking him to the floor. The guy has transformed into a long-haired, protruding-teeth cave man. The other guys are suitably alarmed, but before they can leave, they too transform into cave men. Xander gets up, and scares them away with his trusty lighter. They run out, and Xander goes to tell the bar manager (Jack) what has happened. Jack reveals to Xander that he did something to the beer (his warlock brother-in-law taught him how) purposely. He's tired of guys like these acting like they're better than everybody else. He thinks it's pretty funny, and says it'll wear off in a day or so, but Xander rushes off to check on Buffy.

The cave guys are running around outside, climbing trees, hitting each other with sticks, and laughing at each other. One manages to get himself hit by a car, which the cave guys beat with sticks. They then spot two girls walking by and chase after them.

Buffy's cave artXander arrives at Buffy's dorm with Giles, who is disappointed in Xander for having served Buffy beer in the first place. They enter the room to find Buffy drawing on the wall with her lipstick.

At the Grotto, Parker is telling Willow that he's never found a girl who he can just sit and talk with openly. He then takes her hand and tells her how much he's enjoyed talking with her. Willow looks all googley-eyed, and then asks him a question: "Just how gullible do you think I am?" She laughs at his methods, announcing that men haven't changed since the dawn of time. And as if to prove her point, the cave guys come in, dragging the two girls they found with them, and knock out both Willow and Parker.

At the dorm, Buffy spins on her chair and bangs on the television ("Want people!") as Giles and Xander watch. Buffy notices Xander's nice smell, and then decides she wants beer. Giles won't allow it, so she pushes him down and runs out. They split up to find her.

At the Grotto, the cave guys start a fire, which soon starts to spread. Everyone becomes trapped behind the fire. Outside, Xander spots Buffy, who smells the fire. She goes to check it out, and throws a fire extinguisher into the fire (doing no good, of course). She then spots Willow on the other side of the flames, and her Slayer instincts kick in. She hurls herself over the fire, climbs up to open a window, and helps Willow out (the cave guys and the two girls climb out on their own). Buffy goes back in and finds Parker, who has come to and hasn't a clue what to do. She conks him over the head with a big stick, knocking him out, and then helps him escape. Outside, Xander has locked the cave guys into an unlocked van of unknown ownership. Parker approaches Buffy and apologizes for how he treated her, asking for forgiveness. Buffy stares at him for a moment before knocking him out again with her stick.

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