correct me? please?

[Helen]

hooray! i've finally managed to slim my personal statement for my post-graduate primary teacher training application down to the 47 lines they'll allow you on the e-form thing. but i think i've done a bit too much chopping and changing to be able to look at it objectively. please can someone proof read? and let me know what you think? it probably sounds dead clumsy now, it was a lot better when it started off life. and i had way more to say about stuff i've done. damn you, word limit!

" I was inspired to teach by my own experiences at school, in particular by my contact with a series of exceptional teachers throughout my early years. These teachers constantly devised ways of making even the driest of subjects dynamic and exciting, and as a result every day became a joy. I realised even at this early stage that to so enrich the lives of others must be a challenging and rewarding experience for all involved, and have continued to hold this opinion throughout all the years that followed. School visits and teaching experience have fuelled my passion for teaching, and my ultimate goal is to teach children in the 7-11 age group.
My experiences of teaching have been both personally satisfying and I believe beneficial to the children with whom I have worked. I have enjoyed two periods of full time teaching at South Milford Primary School, amounting to five weeks' teaching in all. I was placed in the Reception class, where my help was felt to be most needed, and although I enjoyed the experience immensely it confirmed me in my desire to eventually teach later years primary, where more depth of subject matter can be engaged with. During this time I gained the unique experience of being able to observe the methods of the job-sharing Reception class teachers, and how these had a direct impact on the effectiveness of the lesson communicated. My time was mainly spent supervising small groups in literacy, numeracy, and creative tasks.
On these placements I gained a valuable insight into the workings of the community, and was allowed to play a particularly active role in the teaching of groups with behavioural difficulties. This was an invaluable test of my energy and patience, and allowed me to develop my own strategies for behaviour management, for example through encouraging the children's sense of responsibility towards others. To supplement these placements I am currently volunteering at Bankhead Primary School, working as an assistant teacher to Year 5 age pupils. I hope to gain still further insights into teaching throughout the process.
Paid employment has required me to develop skills important in teaching, such as effective communication, administration, and time management. Since the separation of my parents, I have had to further enhance my organisational skills in order to cope with the added responsibilities of maintaining employment and acting as joint carer for my primary school age sister, while continuing my degree studies. My current job involves being in constant contact with children, and has afforded me insight into their behaviour outside the classroom, as well as reinforcing the pleasure I take in interacting with them.
My degree studies in English have required that I produce written and oral work communicating content of a high standard, and have comprehensively covered one of the core curriculum subjects. I have studied in detail the development of language skills in children, how it is possible for them to be linguistically disadvantaged at school, and approaches to teaching children with these needs.
As a result of my experiences, I feel I possess a personality especially suited to the course, and am keen to one day devote my understanding to the development of an effective and imaginative teaching programme - one which I hope will afford young people the same sense of fulfilment I felt throughout my own education."

thank yooou!

xo

[Lucretia]

hooray! i've finally managed to slim my personal statement for my post-graduate primary teacher training application down to the 47 lines they'll allow you on the e-form thing. but i think i've done a bit too much chopping and changing to be able to look at it objectively. please can someone proof read? and let me know what you think? it probably sounds dead clumsy now, it was a lot better when it started off life. and i had way more to say about stuff i've done. damn you, word limit!

" I was inspired to teach by my own experiences at school, in particular by my contact with a series of exceptional teachers throughout my early years. These teachers constantly devised ways of making even the driest of subjects dynamic and exciting, and as a result every day became a joy. I realised even at this early stage that to so enrich the lives of others must be a challenging and rewarding experience for all involved, and have continued to hold this opinion throughout all the years that followed. School visits and teaching experience have fuelled my passion for teaching, and my ultimate goal is to teach children in the 7-11 age group.
My experiences of teaching have been both personally satisfying and I believe beneficial to the children with whom I have worked. I have enjoyed two periods of full time teaching at South Milford Primary School, amounting to five weeks' teaching in all. I was placed in the Reception class, where my help was felt to be most needed, and although I enjoyed the experience immensely it confirmed me in my desire to eventually teach later years primary, where more depth of subject matter can be engaged with. During this time I gained the unique experience of being able to observe the methods of the job-sharing Reception class teachers, and how these had a direct impact on the effectiveness of the lesson communicated. My time was mainly spent supervising small groups in literacy, numeracy, and creative tasks.
On these placements I gained a valuable insight into the workings of the community, and was allowed to play a particularly active role in the teaching of groups with behavioural difficulties. This was an invaluable test of my energy and patience, and allowed me to develop my own strategies for behaviour management, for example through encouraging the children's sense of responsibility towards others. To supplement these placements I am currently volunteering at Bankhead Primary School, working as an assistant teacher to Year 5 age pupils. I hope to gain still further insights into teaching throughout the process.
Paid employment has required me to develop skills important in teaching, such as effective communication, administration, and time management. Since the separation of my parents, I have had to further enhance my organisational skills in order to cope with the added responsibilities of maintaining employment and acting as joint carer for my primary school age sister, while continuing my degree studies. My current job involves being in constant contact with children, and has afforded me insight into their behaviour outside the classroom, as well as reinforcing the pleasure I take in interacting with them.
My degree studies in English have required that I produce written and oral work communicating content of a high standard, and have comprehensively covered one of the core curriculum subjects. I have studied in detail the development of language skills in children, how it is possible for them to be linguistically disadvantaged at school, and approaches to teaching children with these needs.
As a result of my experiences, I feel I possess a personality especially suited to the course, and am keen to one day devote my understanding to the development of an effective and imaginative teaching programme - one which I hope will afford young people the same sense of fulfilment I felt throughout my own education."

thank yooou!

xo

Oh Christ, I need to apply to do this as well .... good luck! I still need to get a referee ...

[Jonathan]

These teachers constantly devised ways of making even the driest of subjects dynamic and exciting, and as a result every day became a joy

You geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!!