So.....

[mayhem]

Well hello there.

I'm beleaguered! And internet-silent. Which is sad, but tough times make for tough decisions, and that was one. Went into business for myself last summer, which has been mostly good. I took a pay cut at my old day job to become sort of an outside contractor with the idea that I could come and go when I wanted to, but still be able to depend on a steady income when/if my freelance biz hit the skids. That's dandy except for the fact that I am spending more time there now doing the same dummy work that I was before, but for less money. I may have to burn the place down. Only the recession keeps me from dancing around the stinking, smoldering remains of that garbage heap, because I pick up a check from that shit palace weekly. Shouldn't complain I suppose.

The famous lab-created twins are now four. Hard to believe, eh? Doing very well, except for the severe autism thing for Casey of course. He gets by on his looks though, just like his old man. Stunning as we are, nobody cares that we are thoroughly uncommunicative and still poop in diapers.

The wife had another knee surgery. If anyone remembers anything from five years ago, you may recall she had a really big knee thing done that made her a water-cooled cyborg for like four months and earned her the nickname "Crutchie" in these parts. Crutchie is back in a big way, this procedure was the mirror operation to the last one on the other leg this time. One big difference though- the last operation and subsequent long recovery period was before we had the kids. So, to bring the story back to me, I've been trying to: 1. manage the rigors of growing a new business and self-employment in a time intensive field (graphic design) during a down economy; 2. work basically the same full time job I used to have that I can't seem to escape from (but will definitely burn to the ground when given an opportunity); 3. keep up with two four-year old boys, one precocious and one autistic, and everything that goes with that; 4. and take care of the incapacitated wife, who until very recently was basically bed-ridden for a month and a half.

As you may imagine, there has not been a lot of time for sleeping or personal hygiene. Neither of those were ever a strong suit for me, but at least you could always count on me not smelling like old meat or drowsily driving across interstate medians as I am very likely to right now. Getting better though- B is getting around a bit now and is able to help with the kids some and do some light cleaning up around this dump, which I admit I have been lax about. I can now sleep at least three or four hours a night, which is a whole fucking lot. I was going on Edison naps there for a while- 20 minutes here or there when nobody was tugging on my figurative leash. IMPORTANT CORRECTION TO HISTORICAL RECORD: I'm pretty sure Edison didn't really get by on tiny sporadic naps alone no matter what anyone says, because that behavior turns you into a short tempered, raging hemorrhoid of a human being that will surely be murdered by someone you love. So instead of being known as "The Wizard of Menlo Park", Edison would probably be remembered as "Cranky Jerkface Murdered with Shovel. He Smelled Like Old Meat".

But, enough of my bitching. Things improve rapidly every day, so hold those tears sweet ones. I don't really have it that bad, just a bit beleaguered; which is an excellent word, one that deserved to be used twice in this unexpectedly long internet forum reply. And hey! Lookie! We have a President that can pronounce the word "nuclear" and use it properly in a sentence without the benefit of a teleprompter! Told you things were getting better. Seriously, just by being able to piece together a sentence, he has already surpassed my greatest wish for the new presidency. I guess after eight years of that idiot son in office brutalizing the language in every public forum and embarrassing the nation regularly, my expectations were set a little low. Only upward to go from here, kids- anything else Barack accomplishes that sets us back on track is just icing on the USA cake. And USA cake now comes in chocolate. Yummy!

[starshine]

Miss you and your posts Harem Master. (And pics of the kids on your blog).

[bettie]

So instead of being known as "The Wizard of Menlo Park", Edison would probably be remembered as "Cranky Jerkface Murdered with Shovel. He Smelled Like Old Meat".

Actually, I'm pretty sure I saw him referred to as just that on Wikipedia last week. And the Internet, it never lies.

[Lucretia]

Mayhem, you really need to learn how to express yourself. Jeez.

[bettie]

Well hello there.

Whoa. I thought this post was a sleep deprivation-induced hallucination. (Of course, it still might be. I did get a few more hours, but on the couch with 30 pounds of toddler on my chest, ready to scream in my ear if I moved even half an inch to get comfortable.)

[talula]

Oh, and I was given an award by my peers and senior management for being brilliant.

My hair is now a really dark, shiny chocolatey colour.

I still miss you!

In my head, this award is a piece of paper that says "You're Briliiant!!" and is decorated with glitter and macaroni. Of course you're amazing! I should have made you this award years ago.

Also, your hair sounds awesome!

I miss you back!

[talula]

!!!

This is <i>exactly the same thing</i> I did Friday.

We are the same!

Now I feel the need to make something equally as gooey and delicious. We should coordinate again.

[talula]

Well hello there.

...

I may have to burn the place down. Only the recession keeps me from dancing around the stinking, smoldering remains of that garbage heap, because I pick up a check from that shit palace weekly. Shouldn't complain I suppose.

....
Stunning as we are, nobody cares that we are thoroughly uncommunicative and still poop in diapers.

....
As you may imagine, there has not been a lot of time for sleeping or personal hygiene. Neither of those were ever a strong suit for me, but at least you could always count on me not smelling like old meat or drowsily driving across interstate medians as I am very likely to right now.
...
Seriously, just by being able to piece together a sentence, he has already surpassed my greatest wish for the new presidency. I guess after eight years of that idiot son in office brutalizing the language in every public forum and embarrassing the nation regularly, my expectations were set a little low. Only upward to go from here, kids- anything else Barack accomplishes that sets us back on track is just icing on the USA cake. And USA cake now comes in chocolate. Yummy!

*dies from laughter*
Holy crap, I forgot how entertaining you are. Some things in life are hard and bad, but you always find a way to make them weirdly amusing. We missed you.

[talula]

I missed a few minutes and missed an important plot point

Something confusing and/or dramatic happened.

[JupiterAmy]

I am (for some reason) delighted to hear from you.