A post for bettie

[Iago]

Or...

"Mugged by conventional wisdom"

Or...

"Why does having a kid make people think they can now make any assinine comment they want?"

(The subject of things people say to new parents always makes me think of the stories on bettie's blog.)

So, last night I had my monthly board of directors meeting for an area non-profit. Following are some selected samples of wisdom on children from other board members, all delivered with an air of knowing superiority.

Board Member: He's [Malcolm's] probably still in that stage where he's no sleeping through the night.
Iago: Yes.
Board Members: (responding as if I had said something unbelievably naive) "My 18 year old had to call for me to pick him up at 1:00 in the morning." "Being kept up by kids lasts 18 years." "My 22 year old didn't get home with our truck until 2:30 the other night." "When you have kids, you never sleep again." And so on... (They managed to run this one for several minutes, complete with stories of juvenile delinquency and assurances I had no clue what having a child meant.)

Yes, yes, how naive of me to agree that Malcolm wasn't sleeping through the night yet. And thank you for letting me know that my parental responsibilities don't end when he can manage 8 hours of interrupted sleep--I was unclear on that.

Board tries to schedule a Saturday meeting starting at 8:00 am.
Iago: That's too early for a Saturday. Let's make it 9:00 or 10:00.
Various Board Members: "Now that you have a baby you can't sleep in anymore." "Those days are long gone." "Sleeping to 9:00 on a Saturday is a thing of the past." "You don't get to sleep when you have a baby." (They manage a couple minutes repeating variations on this point.)
Iago: Don't bring Malcolm into it. He's not the one trying to schedule a meeting at 8:00 am on a Saturday.

Yes, in that case, I did make a reply. So often I let comments slide, and then wish later that I had made a smart-ass response.

And there was much more of the same, with my favorite, delivered out of the blue, from a woman who knows me only from her having attended one previous board meeting, and has never met Jenn:

Board Member: I hope you and your wife didn't fight during pregnancy. Unborn babies can hear you.

This was the one that kicked the evening from people babbling the usual pabblum at a new parent into a total WTF moment. This one definitely deserved a smart ass reply, such as, "Yes, many people assume everyone else's marriage is just like theirs," or even a simple, "That's a really fucked up thing to say."

I went home and talked to Malcolm for a while, which made me feel much better. He doesn't speak English yet, but he's still a much better conversationalist than my fellow board members.


Is there anything in your life that brings out unhelpful, stupid or out-right rude comments from people you barely know? (Or don't know at all?) Any stories to share?

[BigEvil]

Is there anything in your life that brings out unhelpful, stupid or out-right rude comments from people you barely know? (Or don't know at all?) Any stories to share?

Posting too honestly on my LiveJournal...

[mouse]

I hope you and your wife didn't fight during pregnancy. Unborn babies can hear you.

I think the correct response to this is: "Never! But we did screw frequently, vigorously, and loudly."

[Rob]

Board Member: I hope you and your wife didn't fight during pregnancy. Unborn babies can hear you.

"Of course we fought! The worst possible thing during pregnancy is to internalize your anger. Remember, in pregnancy the baby is internal too. If we didn't express our anger, the negative energy would have released toxins into the bloodstream, flooding the amniotic sac with mood-dampening anti-endorphins. The baby would have been a seething ball of rage at birth, all because I meekly agreed to hang the toilet paper with the dangly end in the back ... Your doctor didn't warn you about anti-endorphins?"

[JupiterAmy]

Board Member: I hope you and your wife didn't fight during pregnancy. Unborn babies can hear you.

Yeah, but luckily they don't understand English.

[Lucretia]

Some thoughts.

a) JESUS your son is demanding. Scheduling meetings already? ; ) Tell him to sit in his cot and chew his fist. Christ. (Although his organisational skills could be in demand - set up some sort of agency!)

b) People always feel the need to comment on your parenting choices. My mother has 5 children. People would openly comment on this, in the street. Well screw them! We didn't turn out too badly. Um...did we? *twitch*

c) I want to cuddle Malcolm. (And obviously fondle Mgan).

d) There is no d. I think.

[Fuchsia]

(This was the post that finally got me to register for the temporary forums. Grats!)

I think that all those comments can be summed up in a couple of ways:

1. "I was totally unprepared and had never really contemplated what kids were like before I had them, and that must be the case for everyone else."

2. "I am so in envy of this guy's awesome sheep suit that I have to assert myself over him in some way. Quick! Bring out the condescension!"

[Mary]

So, last night I had my monthly board of directors meeting for an area non-profit. Following are some selected samples of wisdom on children from other board members, all delivered with an air of knowing superiority.

If you were president of the board, you could make a rule that off-topic discussions would no longer be allowed during monthly board meetings.

A year or so ago, during a visit to my dentist, it turned out he and his wife had just had twin boys. I think because he knows me, when I said something about this news, he said, "Yes, and we're very happy; and we're getting very little sleep; and the babies are doing very well; and our older son is adjusting, he's three now . . . ." I understood completely.

[Iago]

(This was the post that finally got me to register for the temporary forums. Grats!)

I almost titled it "A post for bettie and Fuchsia", as you have also had some biting commentaries on people who cross boundaries between public and personal space to make stupid, uninvited comments. In fact, I would have included you in the title, but since you don't have kids, I figured you wouldn't really understand. Speaking of which, when are you going to have kids, anyway?






*wink*

[bettie]

A post! For me! *dies of joy*

Is there anything in your life that brings out unhelpful, stupid or out-right rude comments from people you barely know? (Or don't know at all?) Any stories to share?

Having a kid is totally the #1 thing, but people truly can be asinine* about just anything if they put their minds to it (or don't, as the case may be).

Sam's hair color is still the #1 thing (yes folks, I do realize my hair is not red like his, thank you. Oh gosh, I'm sorry that pisses you off; next time I will try very hard to look exactly like my offspring). The fact that he allegedly doesn't talk yet is threatening to overtake it, which is equally baffling to me as he is a stellar communicator and never shuts up. I am actually working on a blog post about this one, so stay tuned.

*I always spell asinine as 'assinine' because WHY DOESN'T A WORD THAT DESCRIBES THE BEHAVIOR OF ASSES HAVE 'ASS' IN IT?