The story of my labor-for people who like to read about pain

[talula]

Okay, now for the overuse of initials- FYI, this post will be TMI. I will talk about my girl parts, fluids, and poop. Turn back now if you don't want to know. Or if you ever want to have children.

At 12:30 am on my due date, I was laying in bed when I felt something pop in my stomach. It was super weird feeling, but it seriously made me jump. I ran to the bathroom because I thought my water was breaking, but it didn't. The doctors later told me nothing had happened. Whatever. Something came loose. Anyway, then I started to have these kinda weird pains in my stomach that seemed to come and go. I told my husband and my mom, who was staying with me at the time and then I took a shower. I knew I would probably not be able to take one for a while so I was always my plan to take one right before I went. So we went the hospital, my husband timing my contractions, which I could feel more of by then. When I got to the hospital, the nurse instantly said she could tell I wasn't in active labor because I was still smiling. Later on, I realized she was right. Anyway, people stuck their fingers inside me for a while checking me (I was a little over 3cm they said, I had been 1-2cm for about three weeks), and hooked me up to a machine to see my contractions. They started hurting more, and I distracted myself by calling them mountains, because that's what they looked like on the machine. An hour later, they checked me again and I hadn't dialated anymore, and they said the contractions were irregular so they couldn't admit me. They said I could walk the halls for an hour and see if that helped.

Well me and my husband walked those halls like crazy. I hadn't walked that much or that fast since before I was pregnant. I had to pee every five minutes, and I stopped and hung on to my husband during contractions, which were getting stronger. After an hour they checked me again and nothing, recorded my contractions again, still not regular. They told me it could me hours until I was in active labor and to take some tylenol PM and try to sleep. I couldn't even look at anyone, I wanted to cry.

Well, when I got home, I would fall asleep, then less than ten minutes later, I would wake up in excruciating pain, which would last for about a minute. Then I would feel like I had to go to the bathroom, which then it hurt to sit down on the toilet, it make weird pressure somehow, then I would go back to bed... repeat for two hours. During these contractions, it was pain like I couldn't be quiet through. Up until this point in my life, I'd only had pain that I had to be quiet through. You know, don't talk to me, don't touch me, this hurts. This pain, I moaned through, made noises I couldn't control. Finally I woke up my husband and asked them to call the place again, that I had to go back. We went back, and I just remember the horrible drive there, when I had a contraction I would throw my head back to the side of the seat and moan, squeezing my husband's hand until it was over, then I was just quiet, because it was just all too horrible. I remember wanting him to go faster and also to stop driving crazy, because it hurt during the contractions.

When we got back, I was definitely not smiling and I understood what the lady meant. When they were getting ready to check me again, i remember thinking that I could simply not handle it if they sent me home again, and I was making some sort of plan in my head to break down crying, go to another hospital or create a hostage situation until they admitted me. Then the nurse said I was five centimeters dilated and the other nurse said she'd hang a bag of fluids in an L and D room and it was the best thing I've ever heard. When I got to the room, they told me I was the first one in line for an epidural because I was the most dilated in the place. Then I was thinking- um, I got sent home at 3! How are other people less then five!! But whatever. Then they hooked me up to IV's and stuff, which she put in my hand, which hurt a lot actually. I remember at one point when I went the bathroom for the six hundreth time the nurse telling me not to push if I felt I had to have a bowel movement because they didn't want babies born in the toilet.

Then the epidural guy came in and talked a whole lot, but in this really weird fast monotone voice. I remember thinking he probably had to say the same thing a million times a day and felt a little bad for him. Then I remembered he probably made a katrillion dollars and stopped. He had a nursing student or someone with him, which was funny because he kept asking her about side effects and why he was asking me questions about what I could and couldn't feel and if I was getting dizzy and she didn't know and it was kinda amusing. The side effects, which by the way, were like paralysis and things like that, which freaked me out by the reality of it for a second, and then I was over it. I just kept thinking that I wanted to get to the part when I can see the mountains on the paper but don't feel them, like you see on the tv. But anyway, it really sucked getting the epidural because you're supposed to arch forward and be still, two things which are impossible when you have a huge pregnant belly and you haven't arched forward in five months, and also when you're having a contraction. I held onto the nurse for dear life and remember thinking that it probably sucked to have to let crazy sweating screaming people latch onto you with a death grip.

When he was done, I couldn't feel anymore contractions. It was the most amazing thing ever. I wanted to thank the man for being an amazing magician of magic, but I didn't. He was concerned because I said I couldn't feel the tightening of the contraction at all and he said I had to have that to push. So a few minutes later, I'm pretty sure I lied and said I could feel it, because the worst thing in the universe would be him taking away my medicine. I told the lady I still felt like I had to go pee, and she gave me a catheter, which was awesome. I wish I had one two months ago.

I slept for a while, then I woke up and told my husband that the pain of contractions was horrible and I was so glad I didn't have to feel them anymore and I never wanted to be in that much pain again. HA HA HA me! You jinxed yourself you idiot. The doctor came in and checked me, and I was eight centimeters dilated for like hours. By the way, people checking that really hurts! But I couldn't feel it at that time which was awesome because of the drugs. She said they were going to give me a little pitocin because I was stuck at eight. I went back to sleep for a bit and woke up in some pain. My back hurt and I could feel majorly the tightening of my contractions, but couldn't tell if it was just pressure or pain. By that time, I was ten centimeters dilated and the epidural guy came back and said he didn't want to redose me because I was about to start pushing and it would make me too numb. At some point, the nurse was all like "I can't believe your water hasn't broken!," put her fingers in to check me again and said "Oh! It just broke!" It was kinda funny. Well then I sat around for a while longer, all the while my back getting more and more painful. The nurse helped me shift positions a million time and I kept on wanting to scoot up, until she told me I was at the top of the bed.

When I did start pushing, I swear I could totally feel the contractions pressure, pain, the whole thing. I pushed for almost two hours, moaning this really horrible sound I couldn't control. At some point, I started saying "It hurts so bad. I can't do it anymore" to the nurse over and over. She kept saying "you're doing really good," and I'm pretty sure I wanted to kill her. The epidural guy came in a few times and I said to him each time "It really really really hurts. It really really hurts." My husband says he kept on asking the nurse in veiled ways if I was going for a c-section, but I don't remember that, I just remember him not giving me more drugs and I didn't like him very much.

The doctor came in after I was pushing for over an hour and she said that she wanted me to push for another half an hour and see how things went. She said two other people at the same time were getting c-sections and they couldn't accommodate three at a time. I remember thinking that it was absolutely the most horrible thing to keep me in pain just because other people were having c-sections. I hated those people. By this time, my back hurt so badly that I was moaning between contractions and hanging onto the sides of my bed for dear life. I think it hurt the same between and during contractions. I pushed as hard as I could possibly push, more that I thought I possibly could, because I knew that was the only thing I could do to make the pain stop. I know that I pushed so hard I pooped on the table I know this because I could feel it. That is how much my drugs were not working. I remember at some point thinking about how I couldn't last one more moment and about ways to escape the pain. I briefly fantasized about jumping out the window and thinking that it might not be so bad.

The nurse said I was doing good and said that if I had more pushes like how I was doing, the dr could come in and we could set up. She kept saying she could feel his head. When the doctor did come in, she felt and said no, that I was just squeezing his head but not actually pushing him any further out. She then told me my pelvis appeared to be too narrow and that since I was pushing for so long with no progress, she recommended that I should get a c-sect--- Ok! I said, totally interrupting her. She laughed and said "Oh, you just want to give birth to this baby already, huh?" and I said "I just don't want to be in pain anymore." I knew having a c-section meant they would give me enough drugs to numb me and I was in for that. I hadn't thought about the stupid baby in hours.

There was the whole mix up about where the anesthesiologist went, and no one could find him. I remember thinking it might be funny, it wasn't so absolutely horrible. They wheeled me into a very bright white, extremely freezing room with what felt like a million people in it. I was moaning in pain still because we couldn't find that guy and I remember one nurse saying "I take it her epidural isn't working." I wanted to hug that woman because I totally agreed. The anesthesiologist finally came in after a million people paged him and he gave me drugs and I remember being able to feel them go through my back like precious amazing warmth. I felt then pricking on my stomach and I told them I could feel that and the guy gave me more drugs, to which I then forgave him all his other shortcomings of not giving me drugs before. He gave me twice the amount.

I could feel some pulling and stuff when they were cutting on me, but I didn't care, because there was no more pain. They had this big blue sheet right under my face and my hands strapped down on either side straight out. I got really really cold and couldn't stop shaking, and couldn't stop my teeth from chattering, even though it really hurt my jaws. I kept on making my husband put his hands on my face or on my arms to try to warm me up, but I couldn't stop. Then I heard some noises and I heard a nurse say "He has a big big toe!" I said "Is he out?" because he didn't cry. My husband went over and looked at him, he said he made himself have tunnel vision as to not see what they had done to me.

They showed him to me on the way out, I remember he had a blue hat on. I remember thinking it was weird, because he looked normal, and I was sure something horrible was going to be wrong with him, like having three eyes or his butt on backwards, but I guess besides a big toe, he was ok. I also remember thinking 'enough with the baby, I'm cold, can I have a blanket?' Then they put pre-warmed blankets on me and it was amazing. But they were just those little blankets and I wanted a big giant comforter or something. I put the blankets over my nose, because my face was so cold my teeth were still chattering, and the nurse kept pulling it down, then laughed when she realized I was pulling it up on purpose.

Then, they put me in another room. I didn't have anymore contraction pain, but started having pain in my stomach, such as 'I think I just got cut up.' I asked the nurse if I was going to get something else and she said they had sent it to the pharmacy and it was on it's way. I remember thinking she was the coolest nurse ever. I laid very still in the bed, happy to be still. My husband asked it was okay if he went and took pictures in the nursery and I said yes, to go enjoy it because that was the only child we're ever having.

I got to spend three days in the hospital, which was actually really cool, getting to know the baby (I actually started to like him the next day!), getting to send him to the nursery when I wanted to sleep, getting to order meals and have them brought to me three times a day, gettting to press a button and have a nurse come and bring me pain meds or soda.

Sorry that was so long, didn't expect it to be. In conclusion, that was how I got a baby. If I ever want another one, I'm going to adopt.

[starshine]

Isn't it amazing how most mothers never tell the full story of their labor? Sure, they'll tell you all about the horrific pain but they rarely mention anything about the pooping. For the record, I pooped while delivering Megan and Zach and I peed on Patrick as he was being birthed. Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "piss on you".

I actually had easy peasy labors and deliveries for my first two. Well, Megan's seemed worse but in retrospect, if I had taken the classes back then and known about the breathing (especially the cleansing breath), it wasn't as bad as some of the stories I've heard. Zach, on the other hand, I was induced for and 19 1/2 years later I still remember that excruciating pain that had me literally banging my head against the bed rails. Thanks for reminding me all over again [wink].

[mouse]

Thanks for sharing your story. I think it's rather ironic that we all assured you that the baby would fit through your hoo-hoo, and then you got to call us all liars.

I did not pee or poop during my delivery, but my water broke when I was sitting on the toilet to pee (wasn't that very thoughtful of The Boy, to wait until I was there, so there was no mess?), and he pooped the second he came out (wasn't that very thoughtful of The Boy to wait until he was out?). He also had his cord wrapped around his neck as he was coming out, which caused great concern for everyone in the room. Well, except for me, 'cause I was loopy on teh drugs at the time.

Having babies hurts. But it's totally worth it.

[Lucretia]

That is simultaneously awesome and terrifying. I am glad you have a baby, I am not glad you hurt lots.

Brave Jean!

[bettie]

Am I the only one who was fully aware that I would poop during labor?

...and ironically, was horribly constipated and couldn't poop during labor?

[Ghost]

Am I the only one who was fully aware that I would poop during labor?

...and ironically, was horribly constipated and couldn't poop during labor?

I later found out that while bettie was in labor, I couldn't stop pooping.

[talula]

Am I the only one who was fully aware that I would poop during labor?

I totally knew it was a possibility, but thought it wouldn't happen to me. Kind of how I thought I wouldn't get stretch marks and would have a baby who never cried.

[mgan]

Awesome story! There was intrigue, pain, heroics, and lots of drugs!

I'm sorry the beebs didn't fit through your hoo-hoo. That might have made things go a bit more smoothly. And yes, that pain. I believe Jim's comment was that the pain I went through was the stupidest thing he had ever seen and how can that happen in this day and age.