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Buffy: No. It's just... This hall is about school, and you're about home. Mix them, my world dissolves.
Xander: Aw, man, it's Nazi Germany, and I've got Playboys in my locker!
Buffy: Someone with a soul did this?
Giles: Yes, I'm afraid so.
Buffy: Okay, then while you're looking for the meaning of that symbol thingy, could you also find a loophole in that 'Slayers don't kill people' rule?
Sheila: Willow, you cut off your hair. That's a new look.
Willow: Yeah, it's just a sudden whim I had--in August.
Oz: I haven't seen you all day. Where you been?
Xander: Not with me. No sir. Ask anyone. No.
Xander: Why was your mom there?
Buffy: More bad. She picked last night, of all nights, for a surprise bonding visit.
Willow: God, your mom would actually take the time to do that with you? That really wasn't the point of the story, was it?
Buffy: Is Willow around?
Xander: How can I convince you people that it's over? You assume because I'm here, she's here, that I somehow mysteriously know where she is.
Buffy: Those her books?
Xander: Yeah, she's in the bathroom.
Giles: They're confiscating my books.
Buffy: Giles, we need those books.
Giles: Believe me, I tried to tell that to the nice man with the big gun.
Giles: Ordinarily, I would say let's widen our research.
Buffy: Using what? A dictionary and My Friend Flicka?
Xander: I'm getting sick of the judgement. The innuendoes. Is a man not innocent until proven guilty?
Buffy: You are guilty. You got illicit smoochies, gonna have to pay the price.
Xander: But I'm talking about the future guilt. Look, everyone expects me to mess up again. Like Oz. I see how he is around me. You know, that steely gaze... that pointed silence.
Buffy: 'Cause he's usually such a chatterbox.
Xander: No, but it's different now. It's more a verbal nonverbal. He speaks volumes with his eyes.
Buffy: What is this?
Willow: A doodle. I do doodle. You too. You do doodle, too.
Angel: I heard about this. People are talking. People are even talking to me.
Xander: "Frisky Watchers Chat Room." Why, Giles!
Buffy: Mom, dead people are talking to you. Do the math.
Buffy: We need to get some information.
Giles: Yeah, well somebody else do it, this thing's locked me out.
Xander: Well, if you wouldn't yell at it...
Giles: There is a fringe theory, held by a few folklorists, that some regional stories have actual, very literal antecedents.
Buffy: And in some language that's English?
Oz: Fairy tales are real.
Xander: Wait, Hansel and Gretel? Breadcrumbs, ovens, gingerbread house?
Giles: Of course. It makes perfect sense.
Buffy: Yeah, it's all falling into place. Of course that place is nowhere near this place.
Xander: I don't know about you, but I'm gonna go trade my cow for some beans. No one else is seeing the funny here.
Buffy: What happened?
Michael: I was attacked.
Xander: Officially not funny.
Cordelia: Wake up!
Cordelia: Took you long enough to wake up. My hand hurts.
Buffy: My mom said some things to me about being the Slayer. That it's fruitless. No fruit for Buffy.
Angel: She's wrong.
Buffy: Is she? Is Sunnydale any better than when I first came here? Okay, so I battle evil. But I don't really win. The bad keeps coming back and getting stronger. Like that kid in the story, the boy that stuck his finger in the duck.
Angel: Dike. It's another word for dam.
Buffy: Oh. Okay, that story makes a lot more sense now.
Xander: No, really. Why should you guys have all the fun? We wanna be part of the hate.
Oz: Just so we're clear, you guys know you're nuts, right?
Snyder: Just remember, lift a finger against me, and you'll have to answer to MOO.
Buffy: Answer to Moo? Did that sentence just make some sense that I'm not in on?
Snyder: Mothers Opposed to the Occult. A powerful new group.
Buffy: And who came up with that lame name?
Snyder: That would be the founder. I believe you call her Mom.
Willow: Mom, I'm not an age group. I'm me. Willow group.
Quotes courtesy of Laugh Lines, Love Lines.