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BuffyGuide.com — The Complete Buffy Episode Guide
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Quotes



Willow: Was there a camel?
Tara: There was the front of a camel — a half-camel.

Willow: It's fine, I don't need to be snuggled.
Tara: Vixen.

Glory: Okay, now I'm upset.

Anya: We just helped her move this stuff in two days ago - sees Buffy - and it was fun.
Giles: People help each other out, Anya. It's one of our strange customs.
Buffy: Giles, I noticed you're doing the smallest amount of helping that can actually be called helping.
Giles: Well I saw myself in more of a patriarchal sort of role. You know, lots of pointing and scowling. You two (Xander and Riley are wrestling), stop that!
Riley: He started it!
Xander: He called me a bad name. I think it was bad. It might have been Latin.
Giles: Stop it or you're going to break something.
Buffy: Or I'm going to break something.

Buffy: Nothing like getting your ass kicked to make your ass hurt.

Tara (attempting a joke): You learn her source, and we'll introduce her to her insect reflection. (The gang stares blankly at her.) Um... that, that was funny... if you um, if you studied Taglarin mythic rights... and are a complete dork.
Riley: Oh. Then how come Xander didn't laugh?
Xander: I don't know that Taglarin stuff.

Anya (about Tara's birthday party): We have to bring presents, right? Birth is a present thing?

Anya: Thank you for coming. We value your patronage. Please come again for more purchases!
Giles: Could we perhaps be a little less effusive Anya? We don't want to frighten the people.
Anya: I'm just so excited! They come in; I help them. They give us money in exchange for goods; you give me money for working for you. I have a place in the world now. I'm part of the system. I'm a working gal!
Giles: Yes. Well why don't you start organizing the shipping orders?
Anya: Oh no, that's boring. I just wanna do the money parts.

Xander: Give me sugar; I've come to buy sugar!
(They kiss.) Anya: Mmm. We value your patronage.

Buffy: So any breakthrough on the identity of Miss Congeniality?
Giles: Well, I've narrowed it down some.
Buffy (seeing the stacks of books on the table): Your definition of narrow is impressively wide.

Buffy (describing Glory): She was kind of like Cordelia actually. (thinks) I'm pretty sure she dies her hair!

Buffy: So, what'd you get her?
Xander: Huh?
Buffy: Tara. You said you got a present already.
Xander: Yeah, that was a tangled web of lies, sweetie. I'm not really sure what kind of thing she'd... I mean, I don't really know her that well.
Buffy: I know.
Xander: I mean, she's nice!
Buffy: Yeah, yeah, nice... nice. I-it's just, I-I sort of...
Xander: I don't necessarily get her... but she's real nice.
Buffy: Yeah. There's just that thing.
Xander: That thing.
Buffy: That thing of not understanding—
Xander: Half of what she says?
Buffy: As for example. But she's super nice.
Xander: You betcha!

Giles: You're in a magic shop, and you can't think what Tara would like. I think you're both profoundly stupid.
Xander: Well we don't really know what kinds of things witches like. I mean, what are we going to get her, some cheesy crystal ball?
Giles: You bloody well better not; I've got mine already wrapped.

Donny: So all these books got spells in 'em? Turn people into frogs, things like that?
Xander: Yeah, we're building a race of frog-people. It's a good time.

Tara: Families are always...
Willow: They make you crazy.

Buffy: You're like the god of boyfriends.
Riley: Nah, I just like it when you owe me favors.
Buffy: This earns you a big favor. There could be outfits.

Buffy: It's family night. And besides, Melinda's a bad influence. I don't like you hanging out with someone that... short.

Riley: Yeah, a lot of young people nowadays are experimenting with shortness. Gotta nip that in the bud.

Glory: A Slayer? Oh God, please don't tell me I was fighting a Vampire Slayer! How unbelievably common. If I had friends, and they heard about this...

Glory: You have the cutest little suppurating sores! Has anyone ever told you that?

Sandy: This place is such a dive.
Riley: Oh no, it's great. You just have to close your eyes and plug up your nostrils. It's fine. Sandy: We could go somewhere else. Someplace more private. Riley: Oh, Sandy, Sandy. It's no good. My heart belongs to another. Besides, I don't go out with vampires. They're never interested in my intellect.

Harmony: I went to April Fool', and absolutely everything was on sale.
Spike: You paid for it?
Harmony: Oh no! I just killed the clerk. Still, a bargain's a bargain!

Beth: You selfish bitch!
Tara: What?
Beth: You don't care the slightest bitty bit about your family, do you? Your dad's been worried sick about you every day since you've been gone. There's a house that needs taking care of. Donny and your dad having to do for themselves while you're down here living God knows what kind of lifestyle!

Dawn: You don't want to mess with us.
Buffy: She's a hair puller.

Donny: Tara, if you don't get in that car, I swear by God I will beat you down.
Xander: And I swear by your full and manly beard, you're gonna break something trying.

Spike: There's no demon in there. It's just a family legend, am I right? Just a bit of spin to keep the ladies in line? You're a piece of work. I like you.

Tara: Your insect reflection represents your insignificance in terms of karmic cycle.
Anya: It's still not funny.

Tara: I was just afraid that if you saw the kind of people I came from, you wouldn't wanna be anywhere near me.
Willow: See, that's where you're a dummy. I think about what you grew up with, and then I look at what you are — it makes me proud. It makes me love you more.
Tara: Every time I'm... even when I'm at my worst, you always make me feel special. How do you do that?
Willow: Magic.

 
 
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